As physicians, we are taught to be strong and yet compassionate for the patients...to be understanding of the pain and of the suffering that goes around us...
But, working day in and day out with patients who dont survive take a toll on our minds....
we become more and more hard in minds....less emotions and less tears flow.....
This week many of my terminal patients couldnt survive despite our desperate attempts to save them...
For some we could prolong but some couldnt make it....
One who left an indelible mark on my mind was a 17 year old with infective endocarditis....he fought till the last...and there were no signs of fear....he wanted to win and he tried till his heart gave up on him....
While taking care of him, i realized that i am tired....this year had been tiring...this year has taken its toll on me....
Though this year has given me the most beautiful gift of my life, my loving wife....still professionally it has been exhausting.
We, as residents keep on working and moving on to next patients without leaving any time to heal.
A patient's death effects the doctors as much as the patient's family.....with experience we learn to move on quickly...but sub-consciously it always takes away a part of you..
i jus wish that i never lose my emotions and i can heal myself....
till then i jus hope...we keep moving..
till next time..
Dr. Zubin Sharma....
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