As physicians, we are taught to be strong and yet compassionate for the patients...to be understanding of the pain and of the suffering that goes around us...
But, working day in and day out with patients who dont survive take a toll on our minds....
we become more and more hard in minds....less emotions and less tears flow.....
This week many of my terminal patients couldnt survive despite our desperate attempts to save them...
For some we could prolong but some couldnt make it....
One who left an indelible mark on my mind was a 17 year old with infective endocarditis....he fought till the last...and there were no signs of fear....he wanted to win and he tried till his heart gave up on him....
While taking care of him, i realized that i am tired....this year had been tiring...this year has taken its toll on me....
Though this year has given me the most beautiful gift of my life, my loving wife....still professionally it has been exhausting.
We, as residents keep on working and moving on to next patients without leaving any time to heal.
A patient's death effects the doctors as much as the patient's family.....with experience we learn to move on quickly...but sub-consciously it always takes away a part of you..
i jus wish that i never lose my emotions and i can heal myself....
till then i jus hope...we keep moving..
till next time..
Dr. Zubin Sharma....
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Its been a month since i plunged into marriage.....and contrary to my 'resident' looking appearance, i am awesomely happy....
The whole extravaganza of marriage is yet to settle down and the feeling yet to sink in...
The feeling of being with another person, fills the mind with apprehensions, responsibilities, hopes and strength to face and withstand anything....
The first feeling you have immediately after is the feeling of belongingness....that you belong to this person......it is the most unique feeling in this world..
Never before you realize that your life is so precious.....You jus enjoy working and doing things for each other.
For all those who are afraid of marriage and have apprehensions, jus go for it..
you will soon realize, its the thing you always wanted
its the thing you always loved......
Love ya wifey'
zubin
The whole extravaganza of marriage is yet to settle down and the feeling yet to sink in...
The feeling of being with another person, fills the mind with apprehensions, responsibilities, hopes and strength to face and withstand anything....
The first feeling you have immediately after is the feeling of belongingness....that you belong to this person......it is the most unique feeling in this world..
Never before you realize that your life is so precious.....You jus enjoy working and doing things for each other.
For all those who are afraid of marriage and have apprehensions, jus go for it..
you will soon realize, its the thing you always wanted
its the thing you always loved......
Love ya wifey'
zubin
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Picture this....and be awake...
Picture this:
Everyone in your home, except you, has been sick since yesterday. Coughing, vomiting, you have (literally) had no sleep in the past 24+ hours. All you've done is tend to one, then tend to the next, responding to tears, moans and groans, anger, frustration.... And you aren't really sure whether you are even giving them the right care. Maybe that cold medicine isn't the right kind. Maybe that queasy stomach elixer is making things worse?
You're exhausted. The last time you had any sleep was the night before last. Now, on top of your exhaustion, you are expected to get behind the wheel of your car, maybe to drive to the drugstore. Maybe to pick up medicine....
Should you get behind the wheel of that car? Further, should you be making decisions about how to treat those family members in your care, knowing how little sleep you've had? What if you make them sicker? What if they die, because you haven't had enough sleep?
Now multiply this by several days each week, week in and week out - for years.
[Seriously. Close your eyes for a moment and think about it.....]
If you are hospitalized, the chances are excellent that one of your "doctors" -- you know, the ones in white coats with IDs on them that say "doctor" -- is just as exhausted as you would be with no sleep.
Why? Because resident doctors -- who are still, formally students (meaning, they have a basic understanding of how to help you, more or less depending on how many years they have been a resident) -- can and do (by law) routinely work 24-30 hour shifts, several days a week, for years, during their training.
And if you are admitted to a teaching hospital (which most hospitals are), they will be treating and taking care of you. Exhausted, having had no sleep, with thirty or forty other patients on their minds -- they will be the people deciding how to treat you.
These residents are found in every care-providing area of the hospital. In emergency rooms, in surgery, working directly with patients. Working with YOU and your loved ones.
Scientific evidence shows exactly how dangerous this is. In 2008, the Institute of Medicine published findings on this topic, recommending that residents' hours be reduced as a safety measure. Yet, today, more than one year later -- few hospitals (if any) have paid any attention.
There are some rules in place. Yes - residents hours have already been limited -- the limit is those 30 hours at one shift! Residents are also limited to an average of 80 hours per week -- but that average might mean they work ONLY 60 hours this week -- meaning they can work 120 hours next week!
Could you work those kinds of hours week in, and week out, for years? Then turn around and make life and death decisions, over and over again, for hundreds of people in your charge?
I know I certainly could not.
So what are we patients to do about this very frightening problem? There are actually two things we can do:
1. Be aware of the problem. If you or a loved one is hospitalized, and a resident (which should be noted on his/her hospital ID) arrives to treat you -- ask when they last slept. That simple. If if seems they've been on the job for more than 10-12 hours? Then ask that someone else make recommendations for you. (It's worth a try anyway.)
2. A grassroots movement to force changes to this overwork and too-little-sleep policy has begun, and you can sign a petition asking for more recognition, and steps to change it. Called "Wake Up Doctor" - it will take you only a minute to sign.
Everyone in your home, except you, has been sick since yesterday. Coughing, vomiting, you have (literally) had no sleep in the past 24+ hours. All you've done is tend to one, then tend to the next, responding to tears, moans and groans, anger, frustration.... And you aren't really sure whether you are even giving them the right care. Maybe that cold medicine isn't the right kind. Maybe that queasy stomach elixer is making things worse?
You're exhausted. The last time you had any sleep was the night before last. Now, on top of your exhaustion, you are expected to get behind the wheel of your car, maybe to drive to the drugstore. Maybe to pick up medicine....
Should you get behind the wheel of that car? Further, should you be making decisions about how to treat those family members in your care, knowing how little sleep you've had? What if you make them sicker? What if they die, because you haven't had enough sleep?
Now multiply this by several days each week, week in and week out - for years.
[Seriously. Close your eyes for a moment and think about it.....]
If you are hospitalized, the chances are excellent that one of your "doctors" -- you know, the ones in white coats with IDs on them that say "doctor" -- is just as exhausted as you would be with no sleep.
Why? Because resident doctors -- who are still, formally students (meaning, they have a basic understanding of how to help you, more or less depending on how many years they have been a resident) -- can and do (by law) routinely work 24-30 hour shifts, several days a week, for years, during their training.
And if you are admitted to a teaching hospital (which most hospitals are), they will be treating and taking care of you. Exhausted, having had no sleep, with thirty or forty other patients on their minds -- they will be the people deciding how to treat you.
These residents are found in every care-providing area of the hospital. In emergency rooms, in surgery, working directly with patients. Working with YOU and your loved ones.
Scientific evidence shows exactly how dangerous this is. In 2008, the Institute of Medicine published findings on this topic, recommending that residents' hours be reduced as a safety measure. Yet, today, more than one year later -- few hospitals (if any) have paid any attention.
There are some rules in place. Yes - residents hours have already been limited -- the limit is those 30 hours at one shift! Residents are also limited to an average of 80 hours per week -- but that average might mean they work ONLY 60 hours this week -- meaning they can work 120 hours next week!
Could you work those kinds of hours week in, and week out, for years? Then turn around and make life and death decisions, over and over again, for hundreds of people in your charge?
I know I certainly could not.
So what are we patients to do about this very frightening problem? There are actually two things we can do:
1. Be aware of the problem. If you or a loved one is hospitalized, and a resident (which should be noted on his/her hospital ID) arrives to treat you -- ask when they last slept. That simple. If if seems they've been on the job for more than 10-12 hours? Then ask that someone else make recommendations for you. (It's worth a try anyway.)
2. A grassroots movement to force changes to this overwork and too-little-sleep policy has begun, and you can sign a petition asking for more recognition, and steps to change it. Called "Wake Up Doctor" - it will take you only a minute to sign.
Monday, February 01, 2010
The Season of Uncertain Days....and Valentine's rescue!
The season of uncertainities is back fellas!!....exams done wid and results waited!!...and trust me this is as bad as da exams!..( or da bad results for that matter!)..
Now that exams and done with, i am left wid dis sudden withdrawal symptoms!.....15 months of intensive studyin sessions has left its mark..it has been a few days since i have picked up a book and now i get all these sudden panic attacks of reading something.....
Someday i pick up a novel or jus a newspaper!...its like da hunger pangs!...the goddammm urge to open a book and read....
once in a while i do look up a question and feel the same old warm(?) feelings of solving nutcase questions!..
and waiting for results has its own issues...i have already cross checked the answers THRICE!...and every time the expected result comes out on da borderline!...and thts real SCARY!!.
Nor is it comfortably above the cut off nor is it depressingly well below..its jus in that zone, that creates enough hope...and loads of depression in case it doesnt turn out well..
sometimes i wonder is it same everywhere...in every field or is it jus me?...then i guess that its everywhere but only thing that makes it scarier is 15 months in any other field will get me somethin!..here its ALL OR NONE!....and here it is at the age of 26!!...
i tell you being 26 and still being dependent on one's parents is like swallowing your pride and being helpless every morning....though nobody says anything or complains anything in my case....but one's own mind kills ya..
At a time when my old school mates are havin kids or raising em, i am still struggling to settle down and THINK of a family life!....
Anyways, enough of my pangs...this can go on and on and this is the story of every doc of this world!..
St. Valentines day....thats the day when the results will start come pourin in...what a irony!!..the AIIMS freaks couldnt have chosen a better day for results..Sadists...AIIMS ppl are jus SADISTS...they find it pleasurable to see misery!!..
till then and till da good fortunes....
Zubin.....
Now that exams and done with, i am left wid dis sudden withdrawal symptoms!.....15 months of intensive studyin sessions has left its mark..it has been a few days since i have picked up a book and now i get all these sudden panic attacks of reading something.....
Someday i pick up a novel or jus a newspaper!...its like da hunger pangs!...the goddammm urge to open a book and read....
once in a while i do look up a question and feel the same old warm(?) feelings of solving nutcase questions!..
and waiting for results has its own issues...i have already cross checked the answers THRICE!...and every time the expected result comes out on da borderline!...and thts real SCARY!!.
Nor is it comfortably above the cut off nor is it depressingly well below..its jus in that zone, that creates enough hope...and loads of depression in case it doesnt turn out well..
sometimes i wonder is it same everywhere...in every field or is it jus me?...then i guess that its everywhere but only thing that makes it scarier is 15 months in any other field will get me somethin!..here its ALL OR NONE!....and here it is at the age of 26!!...
i tell you being 26 and still being dependent on one's parents is like swallowing your pride and being helpless every morning....though nobody says anything or complains anything in my case....but one's own mind kills ya..
At a time when my old school mates are havin kids or raising em, i am still struggling to settle down and THINK of a family life!....
Anyways, enough of my pangs...this can go on and on and this is the story of every doc of this world!..
St. Valentines day....thats the day when the results will start come pourin in...what a irony!!..the AIIMS freaks couldnt have chosen a better day for results..Sadists...AIIMS ppl are jus SADISTS...they find it pleasurable to see misery!!..
till then and till da good fortunes....
Zubin.....
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Speech By Chetan Bhagat at Symbiosis...
Don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a
balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful.
Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all
in good order.
There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup.
There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not
enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.
"Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with
a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no
point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are
the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your
life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of
being excited and alive, will start to die. ............ .......
One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is
not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are
like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last
another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need
to get so worked up? ............ ....
It's ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a
few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, little fights with
your spouse. We are people, not programmed devices..... ...." :)
"Don't be serious, be sincere."!!
balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful.
Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all
in good order.
There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup.
There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not
enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.
"Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with
a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no
point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are
the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your
life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of
being excited and alive, will start to die. ............ .......
One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is
not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are
like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last
another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need
to get so worked up? ............ ....
It's ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a
few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, little fights with
your spouse. We are people, not programmed devices..... ...." :)
"Don't be serious, be sincere."!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
God Vs Religion
This is an article which deserves its place here..Read on For Awakening...
It's not a sermon, and nor is it an attack. It is just what I think, and that shouldn't bother or influence anybody else.
For the purposes of this article, I will be saying God to mean all gods, the Bible to mean all holy books, etc. This is because I am technically Christian, and so these are the things that come more naturally to me, not because I believe Christianity to be superior to any other religions.
People have asked me many times (as they ask everyone else, I suppose) which religion I belong to. I’m a Methodist. But only on paper.
I don’t go to church, or pray or anything like that. I’m not even sure if God exists. But I respect the ideas of the religion, and of other religions. The problem I have is this: Man made religions.
God may have made the Earth, and all of space and all creatures everywhere, but it was Man who wrote a book about it. God may have sent a flood to cleanse the earth, and have saved only the few who were pure, but it was Man who spread the word. God may have told us he was everywhere and in everything and that he would know everything you thought and hear everything he said, but it was Man who set up an organisation and told us that if you wanted to speak to God, you must do it through them.
Man can and has taken the words of God and used them to suit himself. He looked at this newfound religion, and thought: “here is an opportunity to gain wealth and power” and He took it.
Now you may be thinking now about your parish vicar, who is paid little, and who only tries to help his community. I believe that most vicars want little more than to help others in a kind Christian way, and I have no problem with that at all. In fact, the world would benefit from more people who are willing to devote their lives to others.
What I mean, is the Church. Vicars may not have wealth or power now, but years ago, everyone would listen to anything that he had to say. A church could have run a country. If in the 1800s, the Pope had said that everyone should support the Liberals in the General election, then the Liberals would have won office.
Think of the Spanish Inquisition. They did some terrible things to people, and they were allowed to, because they were working for the Church. People died through their tortures, and it was ok, because the Inquisition was doing God’s will. Even though God told you not to kill.
It bothers me that you should go to Church every Sunday morning, and that if you want to talk to Him, you must put your hands together and say “Dear God . . .”
If God is everywhere, and knows everything, then why do we have to do these specific things in order for Him to hear us?
Another thing. Have you ever wondered why there is a Hell, if God will forgive you for anything you do?
Well, imagine the Catholic was a television company. Imagine it is the BBC. For years, people have been watching its channels, because it is the only thing on. But now new channels like ITV and C4 have appeared, and the BBC’s ratings are slipping. They need a new program.
The Catholic church was attracting fewer and fewer people, and, in the 1500s, they created Hell, and told everyone that if they did not live a Christian life, they would spend eternity there, and that if babies died before they were christened, they would end up in Limbo. Needless to say, the Catholics were back in business.
Organised religions are like corporations, competing with each other. Is that what God wanted? So I say I am not religious, because I will not belong to these man-made things. If God had written the Bible and ordered the printing presses of the world to run some copies off, then I would have no problem. However, He didn’t. Some geezer did a few thousand years ago. To be quite frank, I could have written it. At that time, people believed these things. We could have had a religion each.
Look at Jesus. Now it is proved that he existed, although who knows if he was the Son of God. The thing is, two thousand years ago; he supposedly did some stuff, and told us he could do it because the Lord sent him. People believed him (well, enough of them to start a religion anyway).
If he had done the same 1600 years later at least one member of the audience would have said, “He’s a witch; burn him!”
If he had done it last week, some member of the audience would have said, “he’s good, but I prefer David Blaine.
I actually find the idea of a god (or gods) to be quite easy to believe. After all, people from all over the world - on continents that hadn’t even begun to communicate - had similar ideas. Perhaps Gods were actually aliens, as in the film ‘Stargate,’ or maybe they were another species of Human, which had superior powers but have since died out (maybe the same as started theories of Wizards, Elves, Pixies, Leprechauns and the like). Perhaps they were just a way of explaining what could not otherwise be explained.
Either way, I’m not saying any of this as an attack on organised religion, I merely wanted to try and explain why it is that I am not religious. I find it hard to do, but I have tried anyway.
It's not a sermon, and nor is it an attack. It is just what I think, and that shouldn't bother or influence anybody else.
For the purposes of this article, I will be saying God to mean all gods, the Bible to mean all holy books, etc. This is because I am technically Christian, and so these are the things that come more naturally to me, not because I believe Christianity to be superior to any other religions.
People have asked me many times (as they ask everyone else, I suppose) which religion I belong to. I’m a Methodist. But only on paper.
I don’t go to church, or pray or anything like that. I’m not even sure if God exists. But I respect the ideas of the religion, and of other religions. The problem I have is this: Man made religions.
God may have made the Earth, and all of space and all creatures everywhere, but it was Man who wrote a book about it. God may have sent a flood to cleanse the earth, and have saved only the few who were pure, but it was Man who spread the word. God may have told us he was everywhere and in everything and that he would know everything you thought and hear everything he said, but it was Man who set up an organisation and told us that if you wanted to speak to God, you must do it through them.
Man can and has taken the words of God and used them to suit himself. He looked at this newfound religion, and thought: “here is an opportunity to gain wealth and power” and He took it.
Now you may be thinking now about your parish vicar, who is paid little, and who only tries to help his community. I believe that most vicars want little more than to help others in a kind Christian way, and I have no problem with that at all. In fact, the world would benefit from more people who are willing to devote their lives to others.
What I mean, is the Church. Vicars may not have wealth or power now, but years ago, everyone would listen to anything that he had to say. A church could have run a country. If in the 1800s, the Pope had said that everyone should support the Liberals in the General election, then the Liberals would have won office.
Think of the Spanish Inquisition. They did some terrible things to people, and they were allowed to, because they were working for the Church. People died through their tortures, and it was ok, because the Inquisition was doing God’s will. Even though God told you not to kill.
It bothers me that you should go to Church every Sunday morning, and that if you want to talk to Him, you must put your hands together and say “Dear God . . .”
If God is everywhere, and knows everything, then why do we have to do these specific things in order for Him to hear us?
Another thing. Have you ever wondered why there is a Hell, if God will forgive you for anything you do?
Well, imagine the Catholic was a television company. Imagine it is the BBC. For years, people have been watching its channels, because it is the only thing on. But now new channels like ITV and C4 have appeared, and the BBC’s ratings are slipping. They need a new program.
The Catholic church was attracting fewer and fewer people, and, in the 1500s, they created Hell, and told everyone that if they did not live a Christian life, they would spend eternity there, and that if babies died before they were christened, they would end up in Limbo. Needless to say, the Catholics were back in business.
Organised religions are like corporations, competing with each other. Is that what God wanted? So I say I am not religious, because I will not belong to these man-made things. If God had written the Bible and ordered the printing presses of the world to run some copies off, then I would have no problem. However, He didn’t. Some geezer did a few thousand years ago. To be quite frank, I could have written it. At that time, people believed these things. We could have had a religion each.
Look at Jesus. Now it is proved that he existed, although who knows if he was the Son of God. The thing is, two thousand years ago; he supposedly did some stuff, and told us he could do it because the Lord sent him. People believed him (well, enough of them to start a religion anyway).
If he had done the same 1600 years later at least one member of the audience would have said, “He’s a witch; burn him!”
If he had done it last week, some member of the audience would have said, “he’s good, but I prefer David Blaine.
I actually find the idea of a god (or gods) to be quite easy to believe. After all, people from all over the world - on continents that hadn’t even begun to communicate - had similar ideas. Perhaps Gods were actually aliens, as in the film ‘Stargate,’ or maybe they were another species of Human, which had superior powers but have since died out (maybe the same as started theories of Wizards, Elves, Pixies, Leprechauns and the like). Perhaps they were just a way of explaining what could not otherwise be explained.
Either way, I’m not saying any of this as an attack on organised religion, I merely wanted to try and explain why it is that I am not religious. I find it hard to do, but I have tried anyway.
Friday, January 15, 2010
For a sunny noon on a foggy day...
I love winters...and i love them for a reason...ok maybe many reasons!..
They give me a very good excuse to stay indoors and have loads of coffee ( which by my earlier post is pretty clear how much i love)....also i can have garam gulab jamuns without a shred of guilt in da mind!...I can be in da mink blanket whole day long and jus sneeze once to emphasize that i am fighting terrible cold!!..
For married couple and other couples ( pun intended), it is an excellent excuse to catch up wid their sex lives and completely relive their honey moons...;))....( another benefit of da mink blanket!)...
Yeah...the layers and layers of clothing on da body doesnt help if you are already on da wrong side of Body mass index ( Guess what, they again changed da guidelines...what do they want man??..now basically all humans are fat and all models should go on crash diet!)....but on da bright side, more clothes means more fashion oppurtunities!!...hence more colorful caps and mufflers on da avil!...i always thought colors look more brighter in winters!..
The airlines pilots must be thanking their stars for da winters!...they get more time and reason ( the cold remember!) to snoggle up wid da airhostess..er...sorry, their wives as the flights get delayed, diverted or cancelled!..
Dhaba wallas on da national highways are having a field time as more and more vehicles come to a stand still...their is fog right???..
oh yes, how can i forget da Bars and da indian Thekas!!..winters is da prime time of da year for em...the alcohol sales shoot up da sky!!..
So basically winters is good enuf for many people..including docs!...we blame everything that we cant diagnose on da winters!..
Vomiting-- its too cold!
diarrhoea--- its too cold!
stomach pain-- Its too cold!
Sneezin---Its Obviously cold!
Heart attack--- the cold is actually Killin!!
i find it very funny when patients say that we are feelin very cold!!...what to do??...they think its some kinda disease!..God..ppl..even i am darrn cold!..get some hot liquids!...
So treat cold and Treat every disease in dis world!...
As i type this long and weird mutterings about cold, my fingers are goin cold..so before you pull ur hair out or i get some chill blains..i should stop!...breathe easy fellas..:))
so long for da next mumblings!
Zubin
They give me a very good excuse to stay indoors and have loads of coffee ( which by my earlier post is pretty clear how much i love)....also i can have garam gulab jamuns without a shred of guilt in da mind!...I can be in da mink blanket whole day long and jus sneeze once to emphasize that i am fighting terrible cold!!..
For married couple and other couples ( pun intended), it is an excellent excuse to catch up wid their sex lives and completely relive their honey moons...;))....( another benefit of da mink blanket!)...
Yeah...the layers and layers of clothing on da body doesnt help if you are already on da wrong side of Body mass index ( Guess what, they again changed da guidelines...what do they want man??..now basically all humans are fat and all models should go on crash diet!)....but on da bright side, more clothes means more fashion oppurtunities!!...hence more colorful caps and mufflers on da avil!...i always thought colors look more brighter in winters!..
The airlines pilots must be thanking their stars for da winters!...they get more time and reason ( the cold remember!) to snoggle up wid da airhostess..er...sorry, their wives as the flights get delayed, diverted or cancelled!..
Dhaba wallas on da national highways are having a field time as more and more vehicles come to a stand still...their is fog right???..
oh yes, how can i forget da Bars and da indian Thekas!!..winters is da prime time of da year for em...the alcohol sales shoot up da sky!!..
So basically winters is good enuf for many people..including docs!...we blame everything that we cant diagnose on da winters!..
Vomiting-- its too cold!
diarrhoea--- its too cold!
stomach pain-- Its too cold!
Sneezin---Its Obviously cold!
Heart attack--- the cold is actually Killin!!
i find it very funny when patients say that we are feelin very cold!!...what to do??...they think its some kinda disease!..God..ppl..even i am darrn cold!..get some hot liquids!...
So treat cold and Treat every disease in dis world!...
As i type this long and weird mutterings about cold, my fingers are goin cold..so before you pull ur hair out or i get some chill blains..i should stop!...breathe easy fellas..:))
so long for da next mumblings!
Zubin
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