no longer those holidays

what is the worst thing about preparin for indian medical pg exams.....

is it the less no of seats on offer?...is it the competition?..is it the constant stuggle?....

for me the struggle has been internal....Its my mind that i had to kill..

There are no longer those holidays...no more unscheduled evening drives...no more friends and parties of friend...social networkin sites once a day are the ony source of existence in this world now...
the worst part is looking everyone around you continuing with their lives...getting married, having summer camps, basically moving on....and we strugglers are still stuck with same old books for almost 10 months now and still no respite in site....

There cannnot be love or hate....because we cant affored either....
Love stories are cut short and fights reach a ceasefire....

Smiles are lost and tears dry up...emotions are long dead now..it jus gets mechanical after sometime....
Day after day..i get up and do the same routine....same old books...with same hope that someday will be my day...
Exam after exam...and result after result...the goal seems more distant.....

The most important and necessary thing for me has been killing my emotions....emotions cant exist if i have to maintain sanity....
I have to study no matter what the result....bad news no longer disturbs and good news no longer enthralls...

waiting and wishing for that single day...

i will not celebrate tht day....coz i have lost more than i will ever gain...
it will be jus a break down...it will jus be a sigh of relief...

and a long awaited peaceful sleep.....

Waiting and Wishing....

Zubin...